Funky Ass Subway Ride

JOE: Yo man, NYC subways are crazy I aint taking da train no more. RICH: What hapn? JOE: 2 Train a lil crowded. So a normal looking woman gets on. I get up & offer her my seat. No what dis chick do? RICH: What? JOE: Squat down & smell da seat. She stand back up talkin bout no thanx, u got a Funky A#$. RICH: Say word. She crazy. But ummm... did u wash dis morning? JOE What, yo!

There's a girl in my bed, yo

RICH: Son, there's a girl in my Bed. JOE: Oh damn, I thought u was staying at Lisa's. RICH: Even if I was; dat don't give u da right 2 violate my private space, yo. U got a stranger lying where I put me head. JOE: Chill Rich, its a female, yo; how bad can dat be? RICH: Joe, her feet is where my head be at & she got both my pillows crunched btwn her legs. I dont no dis chick, son. JOE: Me either, I met her at Mars 2112.

Who stole da Ciroc?

RICH: U went 2 Kev's 2 play spades last nite? JOE: Yeah he had a card party. RICH: He called me dis morning. Somebody stole a 64 oz. bottle of Ciroc Red out his crib. JOE: He think I did it? RICH: He just asking around. Did U? JOE: Man it was like 40 people in his house. Why he asking U about me? RICH: Joe, did u? JOE: Mike was there. Jojo & his cousin. Larry. RICH: Yeah, U took it. Jello shots tonite, son or I'm dime'n you out. JOE: Okay, yo.

Job Interview Facebook Fail.

JOE: How'd ur Job interview go? RICH: Didnt get it. JOE: Sorry 2 hear that. What hapn? RICH: Some idiot posted a pic of me on Facebook posing wit 2 guns in my hand & a joint in my mouth. JOE: Cant B ashamed of ur past, yo. RICH: Son, did I give u permission 2 post me online? JOE: It was just a picture from 87' aint no harm in that. RICH: The job was 4 a Brinks armored car guard, yo; and U tagged me idiot!. JOE: They saw that? RICH: What!

Big Dreaming

JOE: You seen dat new 7 series BMW? RICH: U seen dat new $2.50 Metro card? JOE: Damn Rich, can't I dream? JOE: Sure, dream; just don’t fantasize. JOE: Theres a difference? RICH: Sure it is. People dream of goals dey can actually reach. JOE: So me dreamin about a white on white interior BM is out of my reach? RICH: Yeah, son. U should be dreamin about a # 2 or 3 train wit clean seats & a working intercom. JOE: F.U, yo

No double dating tonight

JOE: You goin 2 da movies? RICH: Yeah. JOE: Wit who? RICH: Rachel from Washington Heights. JOE: To see What? RICH: Inception; midnight show. JOE: She bringing her cousin? RICH: Yeah, and forget it; I asked already and she said no. JOE: Asked what? RICH: Can I bring my cousin. JOE: Why she say no? RICH: Dont take this personal son, but she said you a low life. JOE: What! Why? RICH: Said she saw you at Club Shadows steal a girls drink off the bar. JOE: Man, whateva, yo. RICH: You not even gonna deny it, son? JOE: Huh?

Ex-Girlfriend...

JOE: Would u mind if I dated an X-Girlfriend of yours? RICH: Depends on how long ago we dated. JOE: Ten. RICH: 10 Years, months or weeks? JOE: 10 days. RICH: 10 days ago. Hell Yes! JOE: But you wasn't feelin her, yo. RICH: Have some respect, son! JOE: I waited a week and a half, yo. RICH: What!

Rent-a-Car

JOE: Rent a car 4 me? RICH: Why? JOE: Hertz wants credit cards. RICH: They take Debit 2. JOE: Yeah but u gotta have $500 on ur card. RICH: Son u dont have a valid license. JOE: Dats why I want u to rent it 4 me. RICH: In my name? JOE: Yeah, yo. Just for one day. RICH: Why, son? JOE: Shorty from Canada coming in. Told her I bought Buick LaCrosse. RICH: Suppose u get stopped & arrested for driving without a license. JOE: I'm not. Im a use ur Name & your ID. RICH: Hell no! JOE: SHe got a cousin coming with her. RICH: How she look. JOE: Stacey Dash, yo. RICH: Here...

Chess not Checkers

RICH: Why don’t you like checkers? JOE: In checkers anyone can become King. It just don't seem fair. RICH: And chess? JOE: King is born a King till he dies. Got a queen by his side ride'n or die'ing for him. got pawns, horsemen. All ready to sacrifice their life for him. RICH: You like that? JOE: Yeah, Its honorable, yo.

Wash and Rinse

JOE: Explain 2 me the term "What don’t come out in the wash, come out in da rinse? RICH: If u been doing dirt, then you try to get yourself cleaned up. You still might be a lil dirty. Thats when you around people and they see you still got issues. JOE: So the wash is like strangers around you and rinse is like your close friends? RICH: Yeah. Seeing that you still really on that BullS#@T. JOE: Is there a way to cover the dirt, yo. RICH: Yeah, Polo cologne.

Virginity auctioned..

JOE: There’s another girl auctioning off her virginity in Miami, yo? RICH: What’s the bidding up to? JOE $2 million. RICH: $2 Million! Son, how can you prove she’s really a virgin? JOE: Lemon test I guess. RICH: What the hell is a lemon test? JOE: You know; Rub and squeeze...

Child Support!

RICH: Damn! JOE: What happened? RICH: Child support kicked in. 34%. JOE: But its 17% per child. RICH: Per household. JOE: And? RICH: Her & Her cousin live 2gether. JOE: You’re a jerk. RICH: I know.

Turn da ringer off, son!

JOE: New chick I’m dating called me, some guy touched her butt in a club. RICH: It’s 2am on a Tuesday. JOE: She want me 2 come up there. RICH: Turn ur ringer off. JOE: What about my honor? RICH: What about your life fool? Turn the ringer off! JOE: Can I just put it on vibrate.